On the rollercoaster of life, sometimes we forget to make time to keep the flame of romance alive in marriage. In theological terms, the love between spouses is permanent, exclusive, public, and fruitful. In practical terms, a lot of this love is manifested in the day-to-day reality of small sacrifices, caring for children or the community, and being loyal to your husband or wife. Today on the blog, we’re looking at how to connect with your spouse based on their love language. Read a few of our ideas below, and visit our blog and podcast for more ideas on strengthening marriage and family life!
Words of Affirmation
If your spouse thrives on words of affirmation, our first suggestion is a general one: go out of your way to voice substantial compliments. There’s nothing wrong with commenting on your spouse’s appearance when they look nice, but don’t be afraid to dive deep into what you cherish about your relationship, be it your spouse’s creativity, commitment to your children, or intelligence. A thoughtful compliment can go a long way with your spouse!
If you have paper, a pen, and a jar or bowl of some kind, then we have a project that will knock the socks off your spouse. Take some time to jot down as many compliments as you can — the more well-thought-through, the better. You can include inside jokes and little poetic aspirations of your love, too. Put each thought on a piece of paper and gift your spouse a jar full of words of affirmation! For bonus points, use colorful Post-its or fold the paper into origami hearts.
This month, a theme on the blog has been the endless hustle of life in this age of 24/7 email and social media. For spouses who feel loved through quality time, this presents a unique but solvable problem. Our best advice is to find a time every single week to catch up with your spouse. This can be over breakfast before work (at home or at a local diner), with a weekend drink, or on a regularly scheduled date night. Weekly time to be together might sound overwhelming, but it is an enormous asset to any relationship, especially those that involve quality-time lovers.
The common assumption is that people whose love language is gifts want expensive presents. In fact, you can express love through gifts via small tokens of affection. This can take the form of a single rose or a small souvenir from a work trip. It might also mean saving up for a practical item that your spouse has had an eye on for a while, like a new piece of crockery that will elevate family dinner. If your budget is tight, don’t worry — be creative with what you have to show your love.
Acts of Service
Are acts of service just chores? It all depends on your attitude. Loving your spouse whose love language is acts of service is about noticing what your spouse needs and acting on it before they ask. Done with love in a quiet, anticipatory way, checking chores off the list can be exactly what your spouse needs to feel loved. The list doesn’t end there, but it’s a simple and effective start!
Do you hold your spouse’s hand enough? Physical touch in a relationship is more than just the marital act, but sometimes it’s hard to intentionally invest in the other things that spouses who feel loved through physical touch appreciate. Communication is a good place to start this journey together — and never underestimate the power of a good hug.